Glass Half Empty

First things first, I have a lot of feelings and admit that I feel things quite deeply. I’m Cancerian so I partially blame that, but star sign shit aside (you have no idea how hard it is for me disregard astrology so nonchalantly like that...) not even 6 months ago, I was in a weird place.

I cried during coffee catch ups, couldn’t wake up in the mornings no matter how early I went to sleep and I ate potato waffles in bed for dinner, that I cooked using a toaster (pretty sure that’s a huge fire hazard).

My conversations centered on not being able to see a future and wanting to escape. When my best friend asked me what I could see in my future, all I could respond was “black nothingness”. I know that sounds over the top, but that’s the only way I could describe it. To the point where I convinced myself I was going to die in early 2019 because I couldn’t see  a  n  y  t  h  i  n  g  past a certain time. It was just black.

I now know those feelings were a product of two tough years, in which many difficult things happened, that I probably still don't address or talk about enough.

But in hindsight, those feelings were also a product of my own inability to be positive.

Because, yes, many horrible things happened to me, but it was how I chose to deal with them that affected my happiness.

I’ve always had a terrible habit of seeing the worst in situations. Glass half empty kind of gal. So every time something bad happened, or sometimes not even bad just inconvenient, I would believe it was the universe out to get me.

I was in such a rut of negativity; I didn't even know how to begin changing my outlook aside from 'running away'. I booked three months in Barbados to get away from everyone and everything, believing that once I had taken this time for myself and 'escaped' what I was going through, I would be healed.

Of all the things to fix me, I never imagined it would be myself...with a little help from - now this is where this post gets slightly weird - a spiritualist medium.

Yeah, I just dropped that one in like a bomb, but meeting with a medium truly was the catalyst for me turning my life around.

I never intended on going to see her so she could 'fix me' - I didn't even know if I truly believed in these things before I sat down with her. I also have no idea how long I was sat there with her - it felt both like a split second and a long hour - but we spoke about all kinds of things and the experience was absolutely what I needed, to allow myself to heal and see a brighter future.

I had been carrying so much sadness, worry and anxiety for so long but I came away feeling instantly lighter and more positive. And literally, since that day, so much has changed and all for the better.

Before that point I was attracting the wrong things because I refused to be anything other than negative. I truly believe that my new-found positive mental attitude has opened my world up to better people (hi boyfriend), better opportunities and better, more fulfilling life experiences.

It’s taught me that the way I choose to walk through life, really does determine my happiness and opportunity. You have to be the change, so when you open yourself up to positivity, positive things happen.

Put simply, I am a better person now. So cheers: to a brand new, proudly glass half full kind of gal.

Bx

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Why I Love Hinge: The Relationship App

Big news -  I have deleted Tinder and Bumble!

Okay, I admit, the news isn’t that big because, yes, I have come off those dating apps many-a-despairing time before, but this time I have  p  r  o  p  e  r  l  y  deleted my accounts (as opposed to just hiding my profile like the ever hopeful romantic idiot I am).

Before you get too excited; no, I’m not suddenly loved up or taken (the blog will live on, woo! Bless you for believing in me though), but I have found a new love of sorts, in the form of (new-ish) dating app: Hinge.

I was introduced to Hinge by my bestie and I’ve since introduced two more friends to it (Hinge should pay me commission, amirite?). Yes, the name is a little random, I’ll give you that but don’t knock it until you try it (only if you're single, obvs).

Honestly I’m not quite sure why it’s called Hinge, but what kind of name is Tinder or Bumble anyway? You’ll get over it and get used to it once you see how good it is…trust me, babes.

Its full name, I believe, is Hinge: The Relationship App, and they refer to themselves as ‘the dating app made for dating’, and wow, yes pls...gimme.

Tinder is and has always been a hook-up app - even my Mumma knows that. It’s the rare few that use Tinder to find a relationship, and those who do find love on Tinder usually weren’t actively seeking it. But anyway, like many people I’ve grown ridiculously bored of Tinder and the types of men I was coming across on there, so the thought of something new and refreshing that was aimed at relationships and actually dating, had my single heart feeling all optimistic. And it was right to be.

Here are the top reasons why I love and use Hinge, and why I think you should be on the hype too:

NO SWIPING

This was THE selling point for Tinder back in the day, and while it’s convenient and quick, people still misuse the feature. I know Tinder doesn’t allow for unlimited swipe rights (unless you pay?) for this exact reason but I also don’t like swiping because it's just too easy. Swiping is essentially based purely on someone’s appearance, and now that I’m after something a bit more than just the odd hook up, swiping alone won’t cut it.

Hinge encourages you to read someone’s profile and 'like' certain sections (such as the answer to a prompt – more on this below - or a specific picture). You don't even swipe to see more pictures. The profile page is laid out in a way that forces you to scroll down to see more pictures, in between these prompts I've mentioned. Before you know it, you've seen their whole profile, allowing you to make a better judgement and I am here for that. Patience is a virtue, even more so in the dating game.

NO BIO

Usually someone without a bio makes me run a mile (why should I bother getting to know you when you don’t know enough interesting stuff about yourself to fill a few characters? Either that or worse; you’re lazy, and I don’t care for a lazy man), but on Hinge the bio section is replaced with three prompts you have to answer about yourself. I think you have to complete these prompts in order to have a profile - it's not something you can skip, like so many do on Tinder or Bumble.

You still have a section to fill out the basics like height, occupation and whether or not you drink/smoke. But the main bulk of your profile is filled with short answers to prompts. These vary but include things like; what's the best gift you've ever received or given, what star sign are you, what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done, and I feel from the answers of these prompts alone, I get a better sense of someone's personality.

THE PEOPLE

So far, the Tinder types haven’t migrated to Hinge, so it’s a good place to be in the earlier days if you’re actively seeking something a bit more than just a hook-up. I have had lots of decent conversations, ALL of which have started with more than just “hey” – we have the prompts to thank for that.

So far, I haven’t come across one person who has messaged inappropriately. Not one. To be fair my friend has had one “I’m horny, help me out bbz" message but just one. That’s a huge improvement on Tinder. The people I've spoken to seem to be...normal, for lack of a better word, and not time wasters, which is refreshing.

DESIGN/USABILITY

I can tell I’m getting old when the way an app looks and how easy it is to use affects my judgement on it (dies of embarrassment), but yeah, this is one of the main reasons I enjoy using Hinge. It’s has a sophisticated and modern feel to it, everything is where you would expect it to be, it doesn’t crash like Tinder (or was that just mine, and a sign from the universe that I should get off it?!), and the black and white colour theme is kinder on my eyes than the garish yellow of Bumble.

Essentially the app is easy to use which doesn't make reading messages or checking profiles a bore or chore. Every thing about it is just...right. And it's so refreshing to enjoy using a dating app after so long of online dating being, well, just a little bit shit.

Don't get me wrong, there is definitely a time and place for Tinder, just not for me right now. At the moment, Hinge has my full attention and I hope it grows and becomes more popular for those in the same situation as me.

Swiping is a thing of the past for me now, and who knows maybe I’ll be leaving Singleville sooner than I imagined, with the help of Hinge - probs not but a gal can dream, right?

Bx

The Boy Free Girl

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Boy Free Year x Bristol

This weekend I fell in love with Bristol. Truly, madly, deeply fell in love. Screw the fellas; set me up in front of a cosy pub fire, with a steady flow of craft beer and a view of Bristol Harbourside and I'll have all I need.

As a little weekend treat, I escaped to Bristol for a little mini-break with two of my besties (because who doesn't deserve a little treat like that) and we had the most amazing time exploring the city.

We rented a cute Air BnB in the Redcliffe area (seems far from the city centre on the map, is absolutely fine FYI) and walked our little tootsies off, with a goal of seeing all the city had to offer.

Clifton Suspension Bridge and Clifton Village, tick. Cabot Tower, tick. The Observatory and Giant's Cave, tick. Bristol Harbourside, tick. Thrifting in Bristol's West End, tick...and so much more.

I 'vlogged' (lol, I tried anyway) and below is the finished video. So, if you want to see what we got up to and have a little sneak peek of what gorgeous Bristol has to offer, watch on below:



I'm not going to lie, we ended up quite drunk on Saturday after spending a solid 5 hours in the pub, doing nothing but drinking craft beers and fancy gins, but drunk me makes for quite an entertaining watch...and kind of explains why I don't get asked on a second date after a boozy first...

What's your favourite thing about Bristol?

Bx

The Boy Free Girl

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The Types of People You Will Meet on Tinder

When you’ve been on the Tinder, Bumble, PoF [insert any and every online dating app here] hype as long as I have – almost 2 years FYI, let’s just let the sink in – it all becomes very familiar.

Now there is nothing wrong with familiarity, in fact in this instance it’s actually helped me on my dating journey (when I say journey, I almost definitely mean rollercoaster. Journey makes it seem quite pleasant, and pleasant it is not).

Now I’m not just talking familiar simply in terms of knowing exactly how the chat is going to go, which GIFs I’m going to get sent over and over or roughly when to expect the first dick pic, I’m also talking about the familiarity of the types of people you will meet.

Thanks to the expert level of online dating I have reached, the majority of the time, I know exactly what to expect from the stranger glaring up at me from my iPhone screen, based purely on their selection of photos. #Skillz, amirite?

Now, reader disclaimer – take all of the below with a pinch of salt and a sense of humour, please. This is based purely on the general observations (lol @ me as a sexy researcher) that I have noticed on my own personal dating journey rollercoaster (Jeeeeze, I have to stop doing that).

Second disclaimer - I'm fully aware that I fit in to many categories or types of people as well, so find me on Tinder and roast my profile too, if it makes you happy.

Anyway, I digress…read on for my pearls of wisdom about the types of people YOU WILL come across when online dating, and don’t say I didn’t warn you...

Is he frequenting the same clubs you were at age 18, complete with a drink in his hand in every photo? He’ll just want your Snapchat for the chance to unleash his tiny manhood on you in 0.2 seconds flat.

Is he wearing a kilt? He’s - most likely/obviously/hopefully - Scottish. And you should give him a chance. They are different from London lads (my usual) and tend to have pretty big…[insert aubergine emoji here for your own visual]. So get yourself one of these, gal, trust me. If it turns out he isn’t a bona fide Scotsman, he’s a liar and an imposter…and should not be trusted.

Does he love the dog Snapchat filter more than you? Firstly, this is a strange breed of man. I haven’t quite worked this type out but that’s probably because I don’t match with them. The energy/vibes I get from them just tells me to steer clear. And so I do, and you should too. Secondly, no one loves the dog filter more than me.

Are his photos just a slideshow of his latest travelling expedition? Ski slopes here, posing arms wide in front of an ancient monument there, finished with a perfectly timed snapshot of him doing a handstand on the beach? Yeah, straight up: this guy will never commit. He can’t stay in one place for long and probably isn’t even looking for a travel buddy. You'll just tie him down and force him to think about his feelings. Solo travel ting ONLY. He’s a free spirit, man, goes wherever he can next to hide from real life and responsibilities. Yes he’ll be well cultured but I’m looking for someone world class not worldwide so no love lost there.

Does every picture show him in the gym? He’ll be more interested in growing his Instagram 

followers than growing a loving relationship. Check his bio; I bet it says something like "rarely come on here, add me on Instagram instead @BEEFYGYMGUY7".

Is he holding a baby, followed by a “the baby is my nephew!” comment in his bio? He’s just being a potential daddy thirst trap. Do not fall for it. The fact he has to fervently express “the kid is not my son” (thanks MJ), should be a warning in itself.

Is he in a group picture with a bunch of hot female friends? You just have to ask yourself if you can imagine being associated with those super-hot girls, because they probably come as part of the package. My insecure arse sure can’t. His intention with this kind of group shot was to say “look at all the hot friends I have, that means I’m super-hot too!” but it has the opposite effect on me. So no. Just no. NEXT.

Does he look perfect/unreal? Then he probably is unreal and he/she/who knows is probably catfishing you. How often do you see someone like that in real life? If they’re that hot, why are they on Tinder? Ask yourself that before you get sucked in, hun.

Does he have a picture with his mum? I actually think this is super-sweet. He’s caring and not afraid to show his emotional side but save yourself the hassle, babe. You’ll probably never impress Mumsie or be good enough for her golden boy and this too will end in heartache, probably before it’s even begun.

I have to stop there before I say anything too judgmental (love you all really) but these are all the things I've learned to expect from the kinds of people I see on the reg. Hit me up with any that I have missed because I know there are many more out there.

And of course, no judgement if you fall for a gym-obsessed, club goer posing with the dog filter and wearing a kilt, while holding a baby that’s “my nephew!” in a big group of hot girls with his mum hiding and judging in the background too. That's fine. Someone has to love them after all...it just won't be me.

Bx

The Boy Free Girl

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The Message Graveyard

So, I’m just going to come out and say it; with dating, a lot of things are left unsaid (soz, couldn’t help myself there), especially in the very early days. Or more specifically in the crucial days that follow that first date, first kiss or first hook up.

Based on my dating history anyway, there are many things I haven’t said to those I’ve dated (positives, negatives, worries) and judging by the silence of so many past dates, there’s an awful lot they aren’t telling me either.

The amount of times I’ve been left wondering what I did or didn’t do, what I said or didn’t say or whether something was wrong with me, all because of the unsaid things is laughable – it happens more often than not (yes, I want your sympathy...cry for me).

To cope with being left in that state of wondering – almost all the time (again, I want your tears, so cry for me)– I’ve found myself drafting and saving messages that I know I’ll never send. This started unintentionally I might add, but over time the unsent messages piled up and it became a habit.

I call this The Message Graveyard – a place where messages are buried after the urge to send them dies.

I have many a message tombstone lurking in my notes section. Some are comical now but others are still quite raw and painful to read. But that's because these messages were written in the moment.

Sometimes I draft various versions of the same message, just trying to get the tone or the point just right. Other times I get across what I want to say first time around, but I get too anxious to hit send (maybe this is how ghosting begins?). But either way, revisiting the message graveyard, and in turn revisiting how I felt in the moment, and actually sending the messages can be impossible for me.

And so, over time, these messages get buried under a metaphorical 6 feet of notes, shopping lists and saved YouTube links.

I had a quick read of some recent messages that had met their fate in The Message Graveyard and what I’ve learnt from them is: say what it is you want to say, and at the time you want to say it.

Yes, preparation can be important when sending a message that can have implications, because you might not want to come across as the ‘psycho bitch’ you’re being lead to believe you are (that’s 9 times out of 10 the reason for me, anyway).

That being said, if what you want to say is totally reasonable but you're afraid of scaring someone off or hurting their feelings (after they’ve hurt yours first anyway probs), then you probably shouldn’t waste your time on them anyway. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I've finally got there.

But having unsaid things you really wanted to off your chest hanging over you will make you unnecessarily sad (that's a scientific term, FYI), all because you were too anxious, felt too awkward or too worried about what the person receiving the message might think of you. And honestly, hun, it’s not worth the stress. So just send the message. At the end of the day it's just a message.

Hindsight is also a beautiful thing. I’ve spent hours unnecessarily sad, wrapped in worry, but had I just sent the fucking message I would have had the answers or the closure I needed. Sooner. No time wasted.

I read back through some of the messages thinking “thank fuck I didn’t send that” but really, what’s the worst that would have happened if I had? I get an annoyed response, ignored, or shock horror, I get a genuine and useful response back...

And so, for my own closure, the messages that no longer have a purpose or point in The Message Graveyard have been deleted. Off to message Heaven or Hell they go, exorcising me from the demons that are message anxiety and fuck boys in the process.

[Lol went overboard with the death connotations in there, but that was fun - it is sPoOky season after all]

Bx
The Boy Free Girl





Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash
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Let's Talk About Sex

I was 18 when I started dating my ex-boyfriend. Still a teenager and still a virgin. I'd never seriously thought about when I might actually "do it" because I just wasn't there mentally (some perspective: I was still blowing goodnight kisses to the Green Day posters on my bedroom walls).

Sex wasn't something I talked about with my friends. Only one person in my close friendship group was sexually active - ew, I hate that phrase - as far as I'm aware, and at that age we weren't mature enough to openly discuss sex, our preferences or kinks.

I had a lot of questions about sex. A lot of fears too but mainly just a big curiosity. However, I would never have dreamt about asking my wonderful mum (read that as patient, understanding and non-judgmental angel of a mother) about it. I'd always just understood sex to be such a private thing.

Fast forward almost 8 years and I cannot stop talking to my mum, or my friends for that matter, about S.E.X.

Sex with my best friend? You're going to hear all about it. Spending a whole weekend shagging an old uni friend? I'll spill that tea, hun.

No holds barred.

What changed? Well I lost my virginity for starters but even then, the only sex talk I had was about going on the pill now that I was *ew* sexually active.

Being single was the real catalyst. I became single, enjoyed myself, discovered what I liked and in turn fell in love with sex. Having it, talking about it, thinking about it. It was something I had been so private about, even within my relationship, that I feel like I never fully enjoyed it until I was single.

Perhaps it was the new experiences and the excitement. Perhaps it was growing up and becoming more mature...whatever it was, something switched and I suddenly felt very free to talk about it, sharing all of my experiences - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Sex within a relationship has it's advantages, of course, but after being with one person for so many years, I feel like I'm playing catch up and learning so much about myself through sex with different people (safely and sensibly of course).

I've lost track of how many times I've said sex in this post but the moral of the story is: enjoy your sex life and enjoy talking about it. It's actually quite liberating.

I get that some people won't feel comfortable making a cuppa with their mum and going into detail about how great the sex with the Scottish lad you'd met on Tinder earlier that week was, and I get that some people will think I'm weird for being that open. It's each to their own. But these conversations actually bring my mum and I, and my friends and I, closer together. So I won't stop...unless y'all ask me to...and even then I might not...


Bx
The Boy Free Girl






Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

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Ghosted or Lied To?

It’s a question that’s been asked since time began - well, since Tinder and online dating began, but let’s be honest, who actually remembers a time before then? If things are going to end with the person you’re dating, is it better to be ghosted or be lied to when the time comes?

I've been ghosted so many times, I could open a haunted house attraction of ex-dates and lovers. Lied to? That’s only happened a handful of times, and perhaps it’s the unfamiliarity of it, but that one definitely hurts more.

Ghosting is pure nasty…and I say that as a person who has been ghosted and also as the ghost (is that even the right way to phrase it?). I’m not proud, and to those I've ghosted: I am sorry. Saying that, I also understand why people do it because I know why I did it.

Good person or not, it’s undeniably easy to just simply ignore someone you don’t know that well, especially when the majority of conversations with potential dates happen online. Before you know it, it’s been days, then weeks and then months of ignoring until you’ve successfully ducked out of someone’s life.

It’s a convenient way to end something when we lead the busy lives we do. If I don't have time to use Tinder unless it's Tinder Gold, why would I invest time into someone I'm just not that into?

How many other things in life do you ignore as long as possible, until they seemingly go away? Avoiding checking your bank account the week before day day? Guilty. Ignoring the amount of cups you've been collecting on your bedside table because cba to take them down? Guilty. Using dry shampoo for the second day in a row because...life! Guilty. Perhaps ignoring stuff is just how “we Millennials” cope.

But, when it comes to dating, for the sake of a short, albeit uncomfortable and sometimes awkward conversation, you can escape a situation you don’t want to be in, fairly, kindly and guilt-freely, if you just tell the person straight.

Being lied to shows zero respect. Like I said, I get ghosting – you want to avoid that difficult and unpleasant news flash to the unsuspecting person you’re seeing, so you just disappear. Lying? You’ve taken the time to calculate and make something up to either paint yourself in a better light, or for the other person to sympathise with you (“I still have feelings for my ex” or “I’m not ready for relationship right now” and “You deserve better than me” spring to mind).

In my opinion, ghosting is the kinder of the two because you never know someone’s reasons. Yes it hurts, but that's why we keep swiping. If someone is out there lying, there really is no other excuse aside from the fact the person you're dating probably has narcissistic tendencies.

How about the double whammy? Lied to and then ghosted. Yeah, I’ve had that one too and let’s just say it prompted my first proper Tinder delete (not just the old hidden profile trick) and my first real 'I give up' moment.

It sucks...dating *can* suck. But we do it anyway.

Now I'm not out here asking to be ghosted ladies and gents,  just because it’s my preference. Obviously in an ideal world we wouldn’t have to choose from either being ghosted or lied to. However, this is online dating we are talking about, not the 1940’s when romance still bloomed.

So, what’s your preference: be ghosted or be lied to?

Bx
The Boy Free Girl






Photo by Matthew Kwong on Unsplash

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In Defence of Paying for Tinder Gold

If I had a pound for every time someone laughs at me when I tell them I pay for Tinder, I would be easily affording my bi-weekly manicure addiction, with change left over. Honestly, as soon as I mention that I pay a monthly subscription in a bid to find love (obvs being dramatic here), I get branded a saddo or desperate, which couldn't be further from the truth.

PLEASE, STOP PAYING FOR DATING APPS. This was the headline VICE used in one of their most recent articles on Snapchat and my golly did it hit a nerve. If anything is desperate it's that headline. I've been paying for Tinder Gold for pretty much the whole time I've had it, let's say couple of months (but you and I know it's been a year, at least), and I genuinely believe it's money well spent.

I can't claim that it's given me more dates, if anything maybe less - because I've realised I'm quite fussy - but what it does give me is more choice, more control and more time.

With Tinder Gold, I can see instantly who has liked me. This means I don't have to waste time swiping right and hoping the person in the picture has done the same for me (no mini heartbreaks, woo!). Instead, I get a glorious library of potentials who have already shown their interest in me. I basically get the pick of the pack, which is not only a confidence boost but also a time-saver (I've got that bi-weekly manicure to get, hun, no time for swiping).

Of course, just because they've swiped doesn't mean that, if I decide to swipe for them too and we match, something is guaranteed to happen - hence why I don't believe it generates more dates as a given - but who cares; no love lost and no time lost.

There are features that come with Tinder Gold that I don't use, so okay, the money isn't all being well spent, but if I want to, I have unlimited swipe rights, 5 Super Likes to use on unwitting potentials every. single. day (pun not intended, but it's a pretty good one, right?), the ability to rewind if I swipe left accidentally (oops), one Boost a month if I'm feeling extra needy and more control over the people who can find me.

Perhaps the only thing I can say in agreement with not paying for dating apps, is that I point blank refuse to pay for more than one month at a time. There are packages designed to save you money, but I feel like if I resign myself to paying for 6 months+ up front, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy of 6 loveless months. I take it one month at a time, and that works for me.

Of course there are many ways to improve your profile and chances for free (more on this soon), and I'm not encouraging anyone to go out and spend their wages on a dating app, but there are pros and cons for every side, and throwing £7 a month at it works for me.

Essentially, there is no shame in paying for a dating app if the features it offers work for you. Heck, even if you are paying just to match with people worldwide for the lolz or to get unlimited swipe rights because you're looking for your next shag, and quickly, you do you boo and don't be shamed into changing your ways.

Bx
The Boy Free Girl




Credit: photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

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My Unhealthy Relationship with Makeup

For as long as I can remember, I've always loved makeup. When I was little I used to riffle through my mum's lipstick collection and be amazed by the bright colours, waxy smell and creamy texture of the numerous shades she had collected over the years.

I don't remember my mum ever telling me I couldn't wear makeup, although I'm sure she did when I was very little, but since I was about 12, I've worn a flick of black liquid eyeliner across my eyelids. It's my signature look, and without it I look like a different person. No, scrap that...I feel like a different person.

As I've gotten older my makeup skills have developed and I can now (kind of) contour, blend eye shadow properly and line my lips to make them look fuller (thanks YouTube!) But there's something I've realised about myself and my relationship with makeup - I don't really wear it for me.

I caught sight of myself in the bus window on the way to work recently and my immediate thought was, "oh, I've actually got quite a lot of makeup on today" but that thought quickly changed to, "of course I do... I'm going to work!" Now don't get me wrong, I don't wear inappropriate makeup to work, but I would never dream of going in barefaced either.

*Controversial opinion alert* In the past I found myself judging those who didn't wear makeup to work. I also used to get so wound up when I saw someone applying makeup on their commute. It just annoyed me so much, and in my head I jumped to the conclusion that they didn't have their life in order - I mean if you can't wake up early enough to apply your makeup in morning, who even are you? (I'm joking about this last bit...obvs)

I know that will offend a few people, but I am delighted to say that after taking a long hard look at myself, I no longer think that way. In fact, I've realised is that it's ME who has an unhealthy relationship with makeup.

I actually wish I was the kind of woman who went in to work without makeup on and still felt professional - there is literally no reason why they shouldn't! I wish I had the confidence (and, who am I kidding, the skills) to apply my makeup on the train. I'm jealous of those women...heck, I want to be those women.

This view obviously stems from my own insecurities, and judgement in the past. On the rare occasions when I would head into work without makeup or even without my signature black eyeliner, at least one person would ask "are you okay?" or say: "you look different, are you tired?"All that did was reinforce the opinion in my mind that without makeup on, I looked like my life was a mess.

Yes, my brain is weird, I know. It's a pretty big conclusion to jump to and lot of women would never make that association, but I am sure there are more people like me out there that feel like, for some reason, wearing makeup, or not wearing makeup in this case, changes someone's view of them.

Of course, there is the flip side to this argument, which is: I wear makeup because I want to. And for me this is always part of the reason I sit in front of the mirror daily. However, when I get ready for work in the morning, I don't feel like I'm putting on makeup for me. Instead it's because I'm stuck with this unwritten, totally-made-up-in-my-head rule that without it, I will be judged as less professional.

So I'm pledging to start falling in love with wearing makeup for me again, and also NOT wearing makeup for me again.

Bx
The Boy Free Girl

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Saying Goodbye for the Last Time

I once read a quote on the internet that has stuck with me ever since. I will be the first to admit that I am really sentimental, but there was something so profound about this quote that it resonated with me on such a deep level.

It read something like: "At some point, your parents picked you up, put you back down and never picked you up again".

Every now and then this idea of things happening for the last time (without you knowing it's the last time) gets stuck in my head, and I get lost in a long train of thought about 'last times'.

In December 2016 I was thinking about the last time I saw my Grandma (Grandmama, as we affectionately called her), and I was struck with a horrible realisation that it had been far too long. I made plans to see her immediately, and was looking forward to catching up with her but just a few days later, I got a call to tell me that she had passed away.

My Grandmama was about to turn 94, but that doesn't make her death any easier. She was independent and healthier than any other person I'd known over the age of 90; her death was unexpected and sudden despite her age. I also think that because she kept getting older without issue, I naively believed she would always be there. I almost convinced myself that there would always be another time to see her, but of course nothing lasts forever.

I keep thinking "if only I'd got my act together sooner and arranged to meet her, perhaps everything would be different", and everyone keeps saying I shouldn't think that way, but I can't help it. I know in my heart I should have seen her more in 2016, and now I am full of regret, sadness and pain. Life will not be the same without her.

Since her death I have learnt so much about her. She lived such an incredible life, and although I'll never be able to ask her about it directly, I have photographs and documents to look back on and live through those instead.

Going forward, I am going to make more time for the people I love, because you never know what the future holds or when anything will be the 'for the last time', and I urge whoever reads this to do so too.

I love you Grandmama.

Bx
The Boy Free Girl

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Welcome to Boy Free Year

Welcome to Boy Free Year...

I have been sitting on this blog idea for months. Literally months. I've vaguely mentioned it to close friends but not said a peep to the majority of people I know and I guess that's because, to some, the mere name of the blog will sound awfully dull. For others, it will sound like peace on earth, and while I flit between the two viewpoints fairly often, it's safe to say the past year of my life, boy free I may add, has been one hell of a ride.

Of course, when I say 'boy free' I haven't actually been without boys completely...(there have been numerous dates, one night happenings, me falling too deep, them falling too deep...you get it) but put simply, since ending a 6 year relationship just over a year ago, I have learned so much about myself, and also the opposite sex, that I wanted a place to compile my thoughts, experiences and even knowledge about life as it is for me at the moment; and thus, Boy Free Year was born. 

I recently turned 26, and while I'm not at all where I thought I would be in life at this age, I believe everything happens for a reason so I'm happy being single, literally living my best life and enjoying the delights that being 'boy free' can bring.

Being boy free is actually way more fun than I ever imagined, so get ready to live your own boy free life vicariously through me. Hopefully you enjoy my musings, real-life tales, advice and general life updates - there are some exciting things in the pipeline, so watch this space. 

Bx
The Boy Free Girl

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