I once read a quote on the internet that has stuck with me ever since. I will be the first to admit that I am really sentimental, but there was something so profound about this quote that it resonated with me on such a deep level.
It read something like: "At some point, your parents picked you up, put you back down and never picked you up again".
Every now and then this idea of things happening for the last time (without you knowing it's the last time) gets stuck in my head, and I get lost in a long train of thought about 'last times'.
In December 2016 I was thinking about the last time I saw my Grandma (Grandmama, as we affectionately called her), and I was struck with a horrible realisation that it had been far too long. I made plans to see her immediately, and was looking forward to catching up with her but just a few days later, I got a call to tell me that she had passed away.
My Grandmama was about to turn 94, but that doesn't make her death any easier. She was independent and healthier than any other person I'd known over the age of 90; her death was unexpected and sudden despite her age. I also think that because she kept getting older without issue, I naively believed she would always be there. I almost convinced myself that there would always be another time to see her, but of course nothing lasts forever.
I keep thinking "if only I'd got my act together sooner and arranged to meet her, perhaps everything would be different", and everyone keeps saying I shouldn't think that way, but I can't help it. I know in my heart I should have seen her more in 2016, and now I am full of regret, sadness and pain. Life will not be the same without her.
Since her death I have learnt so much about her. She lived such an incredible life, and although I'll never be able to ask her about it directly, I have photographs and documents to look back on and live through those instead.
Going forward, I am going to make more time for the people I love, because you never know what the future holds or when anything will be the 'for the last time', and I urge whoever reads this to do so too.
I love you Grandmama.
Bx
The Boy Free Girl
It read something like: "At some point, your parents picked you up, put you back down and never picked you up again".
Every now and then this idea of things happening for the last time (without you knowing it's the last time) gets stuck in my head, and I get lost in a long train of thought about 'last times'.
In December 2016 I was thinking about the last time I saw my Grandma (Grandmama, as we affectionately called her), and I was struck with a horrible realisation that it had been far too long. I made plans to see her immediately, and was looking forward to catching up with her but just a few days later, I got a call to tell me that she had passed away.
My Grandmama was about to turn 94, but that doesn't make her death any easier. She was independent and healthier than any other person I'd known over the age of 90; her death was unexpected and sudden despite her age. I also think that because she kept getting older without issue, I naively believed she would always be there. I almost convinced myself that there would always be another time to see her, but of course nothing lasts forever.
I keep thinking "if only I'd got my act together sooner and arranged to meet her, perhaps everything would be different", and everyone keeps saying I shouldn't think that way, but I can't help it. I know in my heart I should have seen her more in 2016, and now I am full of regret, sadness and pain. Life will not be the same without her.
Since her death I have learnt so much about her. She lived such an incredible life, and although I'll never be able to ask her about it directly, I have photographs and documents to look back on and live through those instead.
Going forward, I am going to make more time for the people I love, because you never know what the future holds or when anything will be the 'for the last time', and I urge whoever reads this to do so too.
I love you Grandmama.
Bx
The Boy Free Girl
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