It’s a question that’s been asked since time began - well, since Tinder and online dating began, but let’s be honest, who actually remembers a time before then? If things are going to end with the person you’re dating, is it better to be ghosted or be lied to when the time comes?
I've been ghosted so many times, I could open a haunted house attraction of ex-dates and lovers. Lied to? That’s only happened a handful of times, and perhaps it’s the unfamiliarity of it, but that one definitely hurts more.
Ghosting is pure nasty…and I say that as a person who has been ghosted and also as the ghost (is that even the right way to phrase it?). I’m not proud, and to those I've ghosted: I am sorry. Saying that, I also understand why people do it because I know why I did it.
Good person or not, it’s undeniably easy to just simply ignore someone you don’t know that well, especially when the majority of conversations with potential dates happen online. Before you know it, it’s been days, then weeks and then months of ignoring until you’ve successfully ducked out of someone’s life.
It’s a convenient way to end something when we lead the busy lives we do. If I don't have time to use Tinder unless it's Tinder Gold, why would I invest time into someone I'm just not that into?
How many other things in life do you ignore as long as possible, until they seemingly go away? Avoiding checking your bank account the week before day day? Guilty. Ignoring the amount of cups you've been collecting on your bedside table because cba to take them down? Guilty. Using dry shampoo for the second day in a row because...life! Guilty. Perhaps ignoring stuff is just how “we Millennials” cope.
But, when it comes to dating, for the sake of a short, albeit uncomfortable and sometimes awkward conversation, you can escape a situation you don’t want to be in, fairly, kindly and guilt-freely, if you just tell the person straight.
Being lied to shows zero respect. Like I said, I get ghosting – you want to avoid that difficult and unpleasant news flash to the unsuspecting person you’re seeing, so you just disappear. Lying? You’ve taken the time to calculate and make something up to either paint yourself in a better light, or for the other person to sympathise with you (“I still have feelings for my ex” or “I’m not ready for relationship right now” and “You deserve better than me” spring to mind).
In my opinion, ghosting is the kinder of the two because you never know someone’s reasons. Yes it hurts, but that's why we keep swiping. If someone is out there lying, there really is no other excuse aside from the fact the person you're dating probably has narcissistic tendencies.
How about the double whammy? Lied to and then ghosted. Yeah, I’ve had that one too and let’s just say it prompted my first proper Tinder delete (not just the old hidden profile trick) and my first real 'I give up' moment.
It sucks...dating *can* suck. But we do it anyway.
Now I'm not out here asking to be ghosted ladies and gents, just because it’s my preference. Obviously in an ideal world we wouldn’t have to choose from either being ghosted or lied to. However, this is online dating we are talking about, not the 1940’s when romance still bloomed.
So, what’s your preference: be ghosted or be lied to?
Bx
The Boy Free Girl
Photo by Matthew Kwong on Unsplash
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