I was 18 when I started dating my ex-boyfriend. Still a teenager and still a virgin. I'd never seriously thought about when I might actually "do it" because I just wasn't there mentally (some perspective: I was still blowing goodnight kisses to the Green Day posters on my bedroom walls).
Sex wasn't something I talked about with my friends. Only one person in my close friendship group was sexually active - ew, I hate that phrase - as far as I'm aware, and at that age we weren't mature enough to openly discuss sex, our preferences or kinks.
I had a lot of questions about sex. A lot of fears too but mainly just a big curiosity. However, I would never have dreamt about asking my wonderful mum (read that as patient, understanding and non-judgmental angel of a mother) about it. I'd always just understood sex to be such a private thing.
Fast forward almost 8 years and I cannot stop talking to my mum, or my friends for that matter, about S.E.X.
Sex with my best friend? You're going to hear all about it. Spending a whole weekend shagging an old uni friend? I'll spill that tea, hun.
No holds barred.
What changed? Well I lost my virginity for starters but even then, the only sex talk I had was about going on the pill now that I was *ew* sexually active.
Being single was the real catalyst. I became single, enjoyed myself, discovered what I liked and in turn fell in love with sex. Having it, talking about it, thinking about it. It was something I had been so private about, even within my relationship, that I feel like I never fully enjoyed it until I was single.
Perhaps it was the new experiences and the excitement. Perhaps it was growing up and becoming more mature...whatever it was, something switched and I suddenly felt very free to talk about it, sharing all of my experiences - the good, the bad and the ugly.
Sex within a relationship has it's advantages, of course, but after being with one person for so many years, I feel like I'm playing catch up and learning so much about myself through sex with different people (safely and sensibly of course).
I've lost track of how many times I've said sex in this post but the moral of the story is: enjoy your sex life and enjoy talking about it. It's actually quite liberating.
I get that some people won't feel comfortable making a cuppa with their mum and going into detail about how great the sex with the Scottish lad you'd met on Tinder earlier that week was, and I get that some people will think I'm weird for being that open. It's each to their own. But these conversations actually bring my mum and I, and my friends and I, closer together. So I won't stop...unless y'all ask me to...and even then I might not...
Bx
The Boy Free Girl
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