Boy Free Year x Bristol

This weekend I fell in love with Bristol. Truly, madly, deeply fell in love. Screw the fellas; set me up in front of a cosy pub fire, with a steady flow of craft beer and a view of Bristol Harbourside and I'll have all I need.

As a little weekend treat, I escaped to Bristol for a little mini-break with two of my besties (because who doesn't deserve a little treat like that) and we had the most amazing time exploring the city.

We rented a cute Air BnB in the Redcliffe area (seems far from the city centre on the map, is absolutely fine FYI) and walked our little tootsies off, with a goal of seeing all the city had to offer.

Clifton Suspension Bridge and Clifton Village, tick. Cabot Tower, tick. The Observatory and Giant's Cave, tick. Bristol Harbourside, tick. Thrifting in Bristol's West End, tick...and so much more.

I 'vlogged' (lol, I tried anyway) and below is the finished video. So, if you want to see what we got up to and have a little sneak peek of what gorgeous Bristol has to offer, watch on below:



I'm not going to lie, we ended up quite drunk on Saturday after spending a solid 5 hours in the pub, doing nothing but drinking craft beers and fancy gins, but drunk me makes for quite an entertaining watch...and kind of explains why I don't get asked on a second date after a boozy first...

What's your favourite thing about Bristol?

Bx

The Boy Free Girl

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The Types of People You Will Meet on Tinder

When you’ve been on the Tinder, Bumble, PoF [insert any and every online dating app here] hype as long as I have – almost 2 years FYI, let’s just let the sink in – it all becomes very familiar.

Now there is nothing wrong with familiarity, in fact in this instance it’s actually helped me on my dating journey (when I say journey, I almost definitely mean rollercoaster. Journey makes it seem quite pleasant, and pleasant it is not).

Now I’m not just talking familiar simply in terms of knowing exactly how the chat is going to go, which GIFs I’m going to get sent over and over or roughly when to expect the first dick pic, I’m also talking about the familiarity of the types of people you will meet.

Thanks to the expert level of online dating I have reached, the majority of the time, I know exactly what to expect from the stranger glaring up at me from my iPhone screen, based purely on their selection of photos. #Skillz, amirite?

Now, reader disclaimer – take all of the below with a pinch of salt and a sense of humour, please. This is based purely on the general observations (lol @ me as a sexy researcher) that I have noticed on my own personal dating journey rollercoaster (Jeeeeze, I have to stop doing that).

Second disclaimer - I'm fully aware that I fit in to many categories or types of people as well, so find me on Tinder and roast my profile too, if it makes you happy.

Anyway, I digress…read on for my pearls of wisdom about the types of people YOU WILL come across when online dating, and don’t say I didn’t warn you...

Is he frequenting the same clubs you were at age 18, complete with a drink in his hand in every photo? He’ll just want your Snapchat for the chance to unleash his tiny manhood on you in 0.2 seconds flat.

Is he wearing a kilt? He’s - most likely/obviously/hopefully - Scottish. And you should give him a chance. They are different from London lads (my usual) and tend to have pretty big…[insert aubergine emoji here for your own visual]. So get yourself one of these, gal, trust me. If it turns out he isn’t a bona fide Scotsman, he’s a liar and an imposter…and should not be trusted.

Does he love the dog Snapchat filter more than you? Firstly, this is a strange breed of man. I haven’t quite worked this type out but that’s probably because I don’t match with them. The energy/vibes I get from them just tells me to steer clear. And so I do, and you should too. Secondly, no one loves the dog filter more than me.

Are his photos just a slideshow of his latest travelling expedition? Ski slopes here, posing arms wide in front of an ancient monument there, finished with a perfectly timed snapshot of him doing a handstand on the beach? Yeah, straight up: this guy will never commit. He can’t stay in one place for long and probably isn’t even looking for a travel buddy. You'll just tie him down and force him to think about his feelings. Solo travel ting ONLY. He’s a free spirit, man, goes wherever he can next to hide from real life and responsibilities. Yes he’ll be well cultured but I’m looking for someone world class not worldwide so no love lost there.

Does every picture show him in the gym? He’ll be more interested in growing his Instagram 

followers than growing a loving relationship. Check his bio; I bet it says something like "rarely come on here, add me on Instagram instead @BEEFYGYMGUY7".

Is he holding a baby, followed by a “the baby is my nephew!” comment in his bio? He’s just being a potential daddy thirst trap. Do not fall for it. The fact he has to fervently express “the kid is not my son” (thanks MJ), should be a warning in itself.

Is he in a group picture with a bunch of hot female friends? You just have to ask yourself if you can imagine being associated with those super-hot girls, because they probably come as part of the package. My insecure arse sure can’t. His intention with this kind of group shot was to say “look at all the hot friends I have, that means I’m super-hot too!” but it has the opposite effect on me. So no. Just no. NEXT.

Does he look perfect/unreal? Then he probably is unreal and he/she/who knows is probably catfishing you. How often do you see someone like that in real life? If they’re that hot, why are they on Tinder? Ask yourself that before you get sucked in, hun.

Does he have a picture with his mum? I actually think this is super-sweet. He’s caring and not afraid to show his emotional side but save yourself the hassle, babe. You’ll probably never impress Mumsie or be good enough for her golden boy and this too will end in heartache, probably before it’s even begun.

I have to stop there before I say anything too judgmental (love you all really) but these are all the things I've learned to expect from the kinds of people I see on the reg. Hit me up with any that I have missed because I know there are many more out there.

And of course, no judgement if you fall for a gym-obsessed, club goer posing with the dog filter and wearing a kilt, while holding a baby that’s “my nephew!” in a big group of hot girls with his mum hiding and judging in the background too. That's fine. Someone has to love them after all...it just won't be me.

Bx

The Boy Free Girl

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The Message Graveyard

So, I’m just going to come out and say it; with dating, a lot of things are left unsaid (soz, couldn’t help myself there), especially in the very early days. Or more specifically in the crucial days that follow that first date, first kiss or first hook up.

Based on my dating history anyway, there are many things I haven’t said to those I’ve dated (positives, negatives, worries) and judging by the silence of so many past dates, there’s an awful lot they aren’t telling me either.

The amount of times I’ve been left wondering what I did or didn’t do, what I said or didn’t say or whether something was wrong with me, all because of the unsaid things is laughable – it happens more often than not (yes, I want your sympathy...cry for me).

To cope with being left in that state of wondering – almost all the time (again, I want your tears, so cry for me)– I’ve found myself drafting and saving messages that I know I’ll never send. This started unintentionally I might add, but over time the unsent messages piled up and it became a habit.

I call this The Message Graveyard – a place where messages are buried after the urge to send them dies.

I have many a message tombstone lurking in my notes section. Some are comical now but others are still quite raw and painful to read. But that's because these messages were written in the moment.

Sometimes I draft various versions of the same message, just trying to get the tone or the point just right. Other times I get across what I want to say first time around, but I get too anxious to hit send (maybe this is how ghosting begins?). But either way, revisiting the message graveyard, and in turn revisiting how I felt in the moment, and actually sending the messages can be impossible for me.

And so, over time, these messages get buried under a metaphorical 6 feet of notes, shopping lists and saved YouTube links.

I had a quick read of some recent messages that had met their fate in The Message Graveyard and what I’ve learnt from them is: say what it is you want to say, and at the time you want to say it.

Yes, preparation can be important when sending a message that can have implications, because you might not want to come across as the ‘psycho bitch’ you’re being lead to believe you are (that’s 9 times out of 10 the reason for me, anyway).

That being said, if what you want to say is totally reasonable but you're afraid of scaring someone off or hurting their feelings (after they’ve hurt yours first anyway probs), then you probably shouldn’t waste your time on them anyway. It's a hard lesson to learn, but I've finally got there.

But having unsaid things you really wanted to off your chest hanging over you will make you unnecessarily sad (that's a scientific term, FYI), all because you were too anxious, felt too awkward or too worried about what the person receiving the message might think of you. And honestly, hun, it’s not worth the stress. So just send the message. At the end of the day it's just a message.

Hindsight is also a beautiful thing. I’ve spent hours unnecessarily sad, wrapped in worry, but had I just sent the fucking message I would have had the answers or the closure I needed. Sooner. No time wasted.

I read back through some of the messages thinking “thank fuck I didn’t send that” but really, what’s the worst that would have happened if I had? I get an annoyed response, ignored, or shock horror, I get a genuine and useful response back...

And so, for my own closure, the messages that no longer have a purpose or point in The Message Graveyard have been deleted. Off to message Heaven or Hell they go, exorcising me from the demons that are message anxiety and fuck boys in the process.

[Lol went overboard with the death connotations in there, but that was fun - it is sPoOky season after all]

Bx
The Boy Free Girl





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